Fallen From Grace
by blurredvisions
Summary: He has fallen from grace, and has done something he can't take back, can she ever forgive him? Can he forgive himself?
1. Forgive Me Not

Fallen From Grace   


By Dannette   


_He has fallen from grace, and has done something he can't take back, can she ever forgive him? Can he forgive himself?_   
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"You idiot." Pacey Whitter spat out angrily at his longlife friend, Dawson Leery. "How could you do this?" Pacey asked, as he paced back and forth. Pacey didn't know what else to say, except that Dawson was an idiot. Pacey had just been told by a guilt stricken Dawson, that Dawson had, in his grieving state of mind, had slept with Jen. "I can't believe you did this D, I know you've been really confused ever since your father died, but this is beyond stupid, it's beyond stupid and it goes straight to moronic!" Pacey hissed. 

"Don't you think I know that?" Dawson asked. 

"I don't know, do you? Do you know what's going to happen when Jo finds out? She's just going to crumble Dawson! She has been trying her best to help you cope, and she knows that you blame her, blame her for what happened to your dad, which is completely unfair to do Dawson, but she has taken it all from you, but when she finds this out, she won't understand. She won't understand how you go from telling her that you want to get back to the dream where you kiss her, to sleeping with Jen Lindley! I don't even understand it! Except from what you tell me, which is that you wanted the pain to go away, well newsflash here man, that pain inside of you, is supposed to be there, that means you're alive. Everybody feels pain over something Dawson, and you being the selfish bastard you are, tried to make that pain go away, and you probably just caused even more in the process." Pacey snapped. 

Dawson rubbed his hands over his face. "God Pace! I don't even remember doing it, it was just this huge blur of things happening. All I know is that when I woke up in the morning I felt like I did something I know can't be taken back! You think I wanted this to happen? All I wanted to do was be with Joey, but then my dad died and everything changed." Dawson replied. 

"It's not her fault Dawson, and you know it. You just want someone to blame, well blame yourself too, and that big heart of yours, because you wanted to stay in Boston Dawson and you know it! You wanted to stay in Boston and never return to LA, because that was how much you loved Joey, and you can't blame her or anybody else, you can blame love, but all that blaming you're doing, it's only going to get you so far, and then you're going to realize that you blamed everybody and pushed all these people away, and then you're going to wish you didn't. Dawson shit happens, horrible and unthinkable things happen to us and it hurts, sometimes more then we can bear, but shutting all these people out will never help you get over the pain." Pacey replied. 

"He's dead Pacey! He's dead and he's not coming back, just because I stayed in Boston." Dawson nearly screamed. 

"Yo D-Man, that's not the truth. That just means you would be in LA, and you would get the news of your father being killed, and you would think of another person to blame. Man, Dawson ... this is hard for me to do, because a huge part of me still loves Joey, and it's pissing me off to see you screw up all these chances you have to get back together with her. You know what's going to happen right? You're going to tell her or she's going to find out, and she's just going to break right in front of you, believe me ... I know, I broke her heart once, it nearly killed me. She's going to break and you're going to wish, no pray, that you never hurt her, and then you'll see her even DAYS after you broke her heart, and you're going to see her look like crap and you're going to want to kill yourself, because you know that you killed her inside. When I did that to her, she had you, to bring her back to the surface, but who will she have now? How will she go to you when you're the one who killed her? How will that make you feel? To know that you mentally and emotionally killed the only girl you have loved with all of your heart?" Pacey asked. "You won't feel good, I know." 

Dawson opened his mouth but stopped when he saw Jack and Jen run up to them. "Jen I need to explain about before ... " 

Pacey looked at Jen half disgusted and half sad. 

Jen bit down on her lip under the close stare of Pacey, she lowered her eyes, to escape the heat of Pacey's gaze. 

"No time!" Jack said, his whole body shaking. "Dawson man, I don't know how to say this ... god I don't even want to believe it myself ... " Jack stopped and wiped the tears from his eyes. "It just seems so surreal right now ... " 

"What is it?" Pacey asked alarmed. 

"Jack?" Dawson questioned. 

Jack rubbed his shaking hands over his face. "It's Joey. She was in a car accident today, she was ushered to the hospital, she's in critical condition, she lost a lot of blood, so the doctors said. They said Joey was lucky to be alive, she's in a coma Dawson ... " 

"Shut up." Dawson said, backing away. "I just want you to shut up, I don't want to hear another word you have to say." Dawson said, raising his extremely shaking hands. "I don't want to hear it!" Dawson screamed, his eyes filling up with tears. "No not Joey." 

Jen folded her arms against her chest, as she bit in the tears. 

Pacey took a step towards Dawson. "D-Man ... " Pacey walked towards Dawson. "You have to listen to us, I don't want you to try to block this out. Joey, she needs you man, more then she has ever needed you before. I'm trying to reach you Dawson, all of us are, and sure maybe some of us aren't doing it the right way." Pacey stopped speaking and looked pointedly at Jen before turning back to Dawson. "But Dawson, this is the big scene, you going to be there or you going to flake?" Pacey asked. 

Jack sighed. "We don't have time for this, meet us at the hospital you two, come on Jen." Jack said pulling Jen away from Pacey and Dawson. "I still can't believe that you slept with Dawson, this is going to kill her ... " Jack mumbled, walking off. 

"D?" Pacey asked. 

Dawson nodded, and slowly followed Pacey out the door, but not saying a word, not quite sure how to react towards the news of his best friend being in a car accident, today was just getting more horrible by the moment, why was life so hard on him?   


~*~   


_Everybody's had the blues_   
_Days when it comes undone_   
_This really shouldn't bother me_   
_I know I'm not the only one_   
_To break down and cry_   
_I don't know why it has to be so hard___

_I could've left this road I'm on_   
_Turned around a thousand times_   
_Surrendered to the great unknown_   
_Give up and leave it all behind_   
_But this is my dream_   
_My life and everything I've prayed for___

_It takes a strong heart_   
_To see love through_   
_It takes a lot of faith_   
_More than I ever knew_   
_To cry and never let it show_   
_To hold on tight and not let go_   
_It takes a strong heart_   
_A strong heart and you___

_I keep it hidden deep inside_   
_It's just a phase im going thru_   
_I show the world a pretty face_   
_But I'm not really foolin you_   
_'Cause you know how I feel_   
_You know how to heal_   
_This wounded pride___

_It takes a strong heart_   
_To see love through_   
_It takes a lot of faith_   
_More than I ever knew_   
_To cry and never let it show_   
_To hold on tight and not let go_   
_It takes a strong heart_   
_A strong heart and you___

_I don't know what I'd do without you_   
_I couldn't do this alone_   
_You give me faith and hope_   
_And the courage to carry on and on and on_   
__ __

Dawson sat in the chair in the hospital waiting room, beside him he was joined by friends and even Bessie and his mom and Alex were there, but even though he was surrounded by so many people, he in many ways, felt so damn alone. Dawson looked over and looked at Jen, he saw her stare him in the eyes, and the minute he looked into those eyes, he knew he could never forgive himself for what he did ... he took the easy way out, and created more pain, and when Joey found out, she would hate him. Dawson looked away, he pushed himself up from the chair and walked over to the coffee machine, his hands shook like crazy as he poured the coffee, he felt like running, but he knew he couldn't leave when Joey was in that hospital bed, hooked up to those machines, he couldn't leave when his strong Joey was nothing but a shell of her former self, in a weakened state. Dawson took the cup of coffee and brought it up to his lips, he poured the hot liquid down his throat, no matter how much pain the heat of the liquid brought him. 

"I'm sorry." Jen said from behind Dawson. 

Dawson turned around and stared at Jen with a look of dejection in his eyes. "Don't be. If anybody should be sorry, it should be me Jen, I --- I used you. I used you to make me stop feeling pain, and I just created more, but I never thought it would take me here. I already lost my father, I just don't want to lose Joey as well." Dawson said, drinking more coffee. 

Jen put her hand on Dawson's arm. "You'll never lose Joey." She said smiling. 

Dawson pulled away and shot Jen a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry. I just --- I don't want to be touched okay? And Jen, you're wrong about me losing Joey. I'm going to lose her, one way or the other, I screwed up everything up, she'll never forgive me, she'll hate me. You don't understand, I love her, and I messed everything up. She won't forgive me, I'll break her, I messed up the minute I went to you, I should have never tried to erase the pain inside of me, I deserve to lose Joey." Dawson said, his eyes lowered. 

"I bet she'll forgive herself, before you forgive yourself." Jen replied. 

"You know everybody is saying that, and it's not helping." Dawson snapped. 

"How can I help you?" Jen asked softly. 

"Just stay away from me Jen. Don't touch me, don't try to help me, just leave me alone, okay? I can't handle you right now, all I know is that I have lost my father, and now Joey is slowly dying on me, and if she leaves, I'm destroyed. Joey has always said I'm the strong one that has kept her up on her feet, it's the other way around. Joey is everything to me, and I'm going to lose her, and there is nothing that can help me after that, don't you understand? I keep losing Joey and there is nothing you can do to help me." 

Jen sighed, she went to hug Dawson, but he pulled away. Jen bit down on her bottom lip, she opened her mouth to say something but instead she just turned around and walked off, she walked over back to where Pacey was, she tried to speak to him, but he just turned away from her. Jen's bottom lip trembled as she sat back down, Pacey was even mad at her? Somehow that was about the most horrible thing she could have had to her, because even if Jen wasn't ready to admit it, she liked Pacey more then she thought. 

Once Jen had walked away from him, Dawson slid down to the ground, he threw the empty cup of coffee across the hall, he leaned his head back against the wall as he let the tears escape out of his eyes. No, this couldn't be happening, not to Joey, not when he needed her to be okay. Dawson covered his face with the sleeve of his shirt, as his body trembled from the tears and fear.   


~*~   


_There's a ship out, on the ocean_   
_At the mercy of the sea_   
_It's been tossed about, lost and broken_   
_Wandering aimlessly_   
_And God somehow you know that ship is me___

_'Cause there's a lighthouse, in the harbor_   
_Shining faithfully_   
_Pouring its light out, across the water_   
_For this sinking soul to see_   
_That someone out there still believes in me___

_On a prayer, in a song_   
_I hear your voice and it keeps me hanging on_   
_Raining down, against the wind_   
_I'm reaching out 'til we reach the circle's end_   
_When you come back to me again___

_There's a moment we all come to_   
_In our own time and our own space_   
_Where all that we've done, we can undo_   
_If our heart's in the right place___

_On a prayer, in a song_   
_I hear your voice and it keeps me hanging on_   
_Raining down, against the wind_   
_I'm reaching out 'til we reach the circle's end_   
_When you come back to me again_   
_And again I see my yesterday's in front of me_   
_Unfolding like a mystery_   
_You're changing all that is and used to be___

_On a prayer, in a song_   
_I hear your voice and it keeps me hanging on_   
_Raining down, against the wind_   
_I'm reaching out 'til we reach the circle's end_   
_When you come back to me again___

_When you come back to me again_   
__ __

"You're mad at me." Jen said pointedly at Pacey, as she stood behind him, watching him staring at the vending machine. 

"Why would you say that?" Pacey asked, his eyes tired from the long hours he had been up since his arrival at the hospital, he slammed his hand against the vending machine angrily, he couldn't keep being the strong one in this damn group! Pacey felt Jen looked at the side of his face now, Pacey turned away, he slammed his hand against the vending machine once more. 

"Pacey speak to me." Jen said, touching his arm. "We're all shaken up about this, but Joey is a survivor ... " 

Pacey turned to Jen. "You haven't known her as long as I have, you don't have to see your best friend dying every minute she's not awake. Have you looked at Dawson in the past four hours Jen? He's like a zombie, and you haven't helped! Why did you sleep with him? Why would you do that, especially in his state of mind? You know how much he loves Joey ... " Pacey trailed off. 

"Believe me I know. I know all about Joey and Dawson, I know all about how much they love each other, and how they are made for each other! Well maybe I never stopped loving him, a part of me always wanted to be back with Dawson, I always wanted to be the one he loved at the end of the night, but even when I was with him, it was always about Joey with him. You don't know how I felt!" 

"Oh don't I?" Pacey asked. "You forget how much I loved Joey? But look at this way Jen, at least someone knows how you feel." 

"But you're mad at me." Jen pointed out. 

"Right now, I'm mad at the world Jen, get used to it, I'm a guy." Pacey said, hitting the vending machine again, harder this time. 

Jen stood in her exact place as she watched Pacey stare at the vending machine, the hurt flashing in his eyes, giving away how sad he was. Jen pulled on Pacey's arm, when he turned around, Jen pulled him into a hug. "We just all need to stick together." Jen mumbled softly, as she continued to hug Pacey, she felt him finally hug her back, she let a small smile spread on her lips. 

Pacey sighed, and hugged Jen back, he hid his face into the crook of her neck, as he began to cry.   


"It's not your fault Dawson." Gale tried to reason with her son, but she couldn't get through to him, ever since they arrived in the hospital, Dawson in the past few hours, had been cold, he wouldn't really talk to anybody. It was scaring Gale, she understood that Dawson was shooken up about what happened, Gale had a feeling if Joey wasn't to recover, Dawson would die as well. 

"Who? Jo or dad?" Dawson snapped. 

"Joey isn't dead." Gale said sadly. 

"She will be once I break the news to her ..." 

"What news?" Gale asked. 

"Nothing." Dawson said, running his fingers through his hair. "Just nothing." Dawson mumbled underneath his breath.   


~*~ 

Dawson walked into the hospital room slowly, he peeked his head in and for the first time in weeks, he smiled, when he saw Joey sitting up in bed, with a huge frown on her face. "Never one to like hospitals, huh Jo?" Dawson asked, smiling shyly. 

Joey looked at Dawson, she watched him walking into the hospital room, with a serious look in her eyes. "You know the answer to that Dawson." Joey said, watching Dawson walk up to the hospital bed. "I know Dawson." Joey said in a low voice. 

Dawson stopped dead in his tracks. "You know?" He questioned quietly. 

"I know." Joey echoed. "I went to Jen's for a reason I can't remember now, I walked up to her room and knocked, she didn't answer at first so I opened the door, and then I saw you two in bed, asleep, but please Dawson I know what happened in that room. I don't understand Dawson, one minute you were telling me how you wanted to get back to the dream of kissing me, and then you're sleeping with Jen? I know you're in pain, but Dawson what you did --- it hurts me even to talk about it." Joey replied. 

"And the car accident ... " 

"I was crying, god me and my stupid emotions, and then this car came out of nowhere, I couldn't swerve it in time." Joey said. 

"Joey please, just let me try --- I don't know how to fix what happened between me and Jen. If I could take it back I would, believe me I would do anything to take back what happened. I was confused, and I just wanted the pain to go away Jo, I couldn't go to you. I couldn't at the moment, and Jen was there, and it happened, I love you, I know I do! When my father died, I felt all thoughts of ever living again die with his body, but I don't want to be dead Jo, I want to be with you." Dawson said, near tears. 

"I don't know if I want to be with you anymore, not after what happened with Jen." Joey whispered. "Just leave please Dawson." 

Dawson let the tears fall out of his eyes. "Joey ... " 

"PLEASE." Joey stressed out the word. 

Dawson nodded and left the hospital room, he closed the hospital door, once he was outside he leaned against the wall and let the cries tremble throughout his whole body, the cries tremored through his whole body, he cried even hard when he heard Joey crying on the other side of the door. Dawson slid down to the ground, and covered his face, as he felt himself fall from grace. 

Joey covered her face with her hands as she let the hot tears roll out of her eyes, she felt so much pain right now, and all she wanted to do was to be with Dawson, and somehow that had been crushed, all her hopes for them were shattered. Joey heard the door re-open, she removed her hands to see Jack, she just turned around and continued to cry, cry as hard as she could. 

Jack walked over to Joey's hospital bed, he grabbed the chair and sat down, as he watched his friend cry. He had seen Dawson walk out and start to cry, so Jack had decided that he should go in there to see how bad Joey was crying herself. Jack reached out and took Joey's hand, a friendly gesture he hadn't done in a long time, he let her cry, but kept a hold of her hand, to let Joey know that he was there for her, and he wasn't going anywhere, he would be there for Joey whenever she needed him.   



	2. The Road That Leads Me To You

Fallen From Grace   


By Dannette   


_He has fallen from grace, and has done something he can't take back, can she ever forgive him? Can he forgive himself?_   
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"Hey Dawson." 

Dawson looked up and looked at Audrey, he nodded towards her and went back to reading some book he had his eyes buried into, at least it was something to get his mind off of the interminable pain he was feeling ever since he walked out of the hospital room, ever since Joey looked at him, a pained look in her eyes, and told him to leave, he had broken outside, but now he was fine. Well as fine as he could get, he hadn't seen Joey in weeks, and in a way that was good. When he didn't see her, he didn't have to see how much of a moron he had been, when he wasn't around Joey, he didn't have to see that he had lost her, in a moment of stupidity and pain, he had lost Joey. Dawson knew it was his fault, he couldn't blame anybody but himself for going to Jen to erase his pain, but all of him in that hospital that day, has wished that Joey would have forgave him, and when she didn't, the last part of him broke. 

"Look, I don't know a lot about what happened between you two, but I know that she is really down. Joey is one of my best friends, she is the only person who has ever defended my honor to my mother, she has a lot more guts then anybody I have ever known, but ever since she returned from the hospital, she looks so sad. I know it has something to do with you ... " Audrey trailed off. 

"Doesn't everything nowadays?" Dawson retorted. "Look Audrey, you don't understand what happened." Dawson replied. 

"Hmm, let me try to guess what happened. You broke her heart, you're blaming yourself, and you want her back, but she doesn't want you back? Anywhere near what actually happened? Geez Dawson, I have never seen two people miss so many signs, you two love each other, can't they just be it? Why do you two have to over analyze every little microscopic thing?" Audrey asked. 

Dawson sighed, he slammed the book shut, he pushed the book aside and stood up. "There are no more signs. I did something I can't take back Audrey okay? You want the whole story? I slept with Jen. There, you know. I wanted the pain of my father's death and my part in it to go away, so I went to Jen, and I slept with her. Joey without my knowledge saw us, she got in a car accident on the way back to her dorm. I tried talking to her in the hospital room, but she doesn't want to be with me --- " 

"That can't be the end of it!" Audrey exploded. 

"Well Audrey, it is." Dawson said, walking off. 

Audrey ran after Dawson. "If you love her, and she loves you, then you two should be able to get over this. I've been with enough guys to know that when true love knocks on your door, it can survive _anything! _Even this 'Jen' thing, just give it time." 

Dawson sighed. "No Audrey, you're living in a make believe world, where love is all flowers and sunshine, well it's not. I learned that the hard way, you lose people for unthinkable reasons, and there is no rewinding life and making sure you don't lose that person. Things happen, and you can't change how things happen, it's fate and fate has given me and Joey the axe. My father is dead, I've lost Joey, and you should go away, before I somehow mess you up too." Dawson replied, walking off once more. 

This time Audrey just stood outside of the library as she watched Dawson walk off, the boy she had given the tour to, and had seen love in his eyes when he spoke of the coy Joey Potter was gone, and he was replaced by a cynical and depressed form of Dawson Leery. Audrey sighed, she may have had it hard, with a mother like hers, but nothing compared to Dawson and Joey.   


~*~ 

"I don't know how to say I'm sorry to you Joey." Jen started. "When he came to me, he looked so down and depressed and I told myself I would do anything to make him less depressed, I could say that it just happened ... but it didn't, at least not for me. You know I still have feelings for him Joey, and I guess I let those feelings take me over again, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I ruined everything that we re-built between us, I never wanted to hurt you, but that is what I ended up doing. Joey please you have to understand, that I love you like a sister, if you would just talk to me or even Dawson --- " Jen sighed, she looked away from the mirror, god she couldn't recite the apology to a damn mirror, how would she apologize to the human Joey? Jen walked over to her bed and plopped down, she hated how things were lately, Jen had purposely avoided Joey the first few days Joey was released from the hospital, but now Jen wanted to talk to Joey, explain ... apologize ... anything. Jen had finally gotten Joey's friendship and now it might have been ruined, because she couldn't turn down the boy who ultimately changed her life. Jen was weak at the heart and she knew it, Jen sighed, as she pushed herself up and walked back over to the mirror once more. "I can do this." Jen mumbled. 

Jen pushed some strands of her blonde hair out of her eyes, she looked at the mirror and envisioned Joey. "Joey, I'm so sorry ... " Jen groaned and shook her head. "Jo, please let me explain ... no ... " Jen said, groaning once more. "You have every right to hate me but ... but what?!" Jen screamed at herself in the mirror. "Please, can we still be friends? Even though I did sleep with Dawson ... can we get through this? Don't hate me?" Jen said, lowering her head. "There is no way I am going to get her to forgive me." 

"Maybe you should just talk to me." Joey said, standing at the doorway of Jen's room. 

Jen whirled around, she stared at Joey. "Joey, okay --- look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for whatever pain I caused you, I wasn't thinking, well in a way I was, but not about you, and that just made me sound like the worse friend ever. I love you like a sister Jo, and this past year your friendship has been everything to me, and I understand if you want to stop being friends, but I AM sorry. I should have thought twice before I did something that stupid, I just --- I still love him, and I let those emotions be my boss. It was wrong, and I know it didn't help anybody, but I can't change what I did ... " Jen said, folding her arms across her chest. "Please, can you ever forgive me for what I did? I don't want to lose you as a friend, you're one of my two best friends Joey." Jen confessed. 

Joey walked into the room. "When I saw you two sleeping in this bed --- " Joey said, pointing down at Jen's bed. "I was shocked, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I mean it felt just like yesterday that Dawson had told me he was afraid that he would never get back to the dream of kissing me, and then I saw you two --- and then I felt like something inside of me died. The hope of me and Dawson died, and I ran, I got in my car and drove down the road as fast as I could. Tears were spilling out of my eyes, and then I saw the car, and all I could think about when our cars collided into one another --- was that I still love him. When he asked for my forgiveness in the hospital, everything in me wanted to forgive him, but I didn't. I told him to leave, you must know that by now, and as I was crying my eyes out, holding Jack's hand, I realized --- what you did killed me Jen, not just you, but you and him. But I forgive you, because you are my friend, and I know how short life can be ... " Joey said, biting down on her lip. "But Jen, deep down, you HAD to know that it would destroy everything between us, and you did it any ways --- why?" Joey asked. 

"Because I loved him." Jen replied. 

Joey nodded. "That's not being weak, that's just being human." Joey said, looking Jen in the eyes. "But I have to ask you this --- I still love him with everything I have inside of me, and I want him back, but I know I have to help him cope with the death of his father, before we can go anywhere with our relationship. He helped me survive the death of my mom, I want to help him survive the death of his father --- but I need to know --- will you ever sleep with Dawson again, if he comes to you like he did before?" Joey asked. 

Jen walked closer to Joey, she stared Joey straight in the eyes. "No, I won't, and I promise you that Jo." Jen replied honestly. 

There was a long silence in the room, before a shocking turn of events, the two girls hugged one another, not saying a word.   


~*~ 

"Dawson, I'm worried about you. Ever since that day in the hospital, you have been like a dead man walking, you don't talk to us, you just continue to shut everybody out. You haven't lost everybody Dawson, you just think you have. You DO understand why she was so upset right D-Man? You slept with another girl, she had every right to be upset, but that doesn't mean she'll NEVER forgive you, you're just going to have to give Jo some time, she loves you man, and vice-versa." Pacey replied, staring at Dawson. 

"Have you ever felt like you have nothing inside of you?" Dawson asked. 

"Yeah ... " Pacey said, somewhat warily. 

"I feel like that all the time recently, it's this feeling deep down in me, it feels like I have nothing else to live for. God Pace, that feeling, the feeling that I have nothing to live for, is so incredibly scary. I remember when Jo told me she had that feeling, it was right after her mom died, she was hiding out in my closet and Joey told me she felt like she wanted to die. I was so scared for her, I slid into my closet with her, and I held her the whole night, and I told her to NEVER die on me." Dawson replied softly. 

"I remember that." Pacey replied. "She eventually got better, with your help." Pacey stated. 

"I made her promise to never die on me, and then here I am, slowly dying inside. I feel like such a hypocrite, I feel like I preached all this stuff to Joey all these years and when real pain has finally knocked on my door, I betrayed everything I ever told her, just because now it's MY pain. I don't want to be this dead person inside Pace, believe me I don't, but I just wish --- I still had that girl in the girl in my closet. I wish I could go home, go up to my room, open my closet room door and there she would be, asking me to hold her and make everything better. If I could just have that girl again, have that part of my life again, I think I could somehow survive this whole loss. But that girl, that one constant part of my life, was taken away from me, because I wanted the pain to stop." 

Pacey sighed, he pulled his chair in front of Dawson's, he grabbed Dawson by the shoulders. "You haven't lost that girl. Stop wishing upon a star Dawson and go up to that closet, she might still be there. You have to stop moping, you have to stop blaming yourself for every little wrong thing in your life, and go to that closet. Open that closet up, go home Dawson." Pacey replied. 

"No, no I can't." Dawson replied weakly. 

"Go home." Pacey said firmly. "GO HOME. You need to go back into that house, walk up those stairs, open that closet and see if she's there. She's there, then you actually have a chance in hell in surviving your fall from grace, she's not there ... I give you permission to give up. But I think, that girl you thought you lost, she just might be waiting for you in that closet." Pacey replied. 

Dawson opened his mouth to reply, but he just shut it, and closed his eyes, not objecting, but not agreeing to do anything.   


~*~ 

"Mom, I'm home." Dawson said warily, as he walked into his old home, his lifelong home in Capeside. Dawson put his black duffel bag down, he walked into the dining room to be met with an array of baby toys, he smiled softly and looked up, he was met with the shocked but nevertheless happy face of Gale Leery, he was soon pulled into a tight hug by his mother, who was all smiles. 

"I didn't think you would come back so soon, how are you honey?" Gale asked, pulling away. 

"I --- I'm doing okay mom, how are you?" Dawson asked, looking into Gale's eyes. "I should have come home sooner, but it's been hard on me. Really hard on me mom, remember what you said to me in the hospital? About it not being my fault? Did you really believe that? You don't blame me do you? I mean, if it wasn't for me dad would still be --- " Dawson was cut off by Gale. 

Gale shook her head. "No Dawson, I don't blame you, and you have to stop blaming yourself. Actually if anything, I admire you for staying in Boston, where obviously your heart was. Your father was so shocked and angry, he would have eventually talked to you again, he knew how much you love Joey, we all know. And I have always wanted you to be happy honey, and I know that being with Joey would make you happy for a whole lifetime. What happened to your father was horrible, but it was never your fault." 

"I lost Joey." Dawson confessed. 

"How so?" Gale asked. 

"I don't want to get into the details, but I lost her mom. I did something stupid, and I lost Joey, and now I can't help but remember all these promises we made, promises about it Bessie, or you or dad ever died, we would never shut each other out. I broke those promises to her, and I feel like such a hypocrite mom." Dawson said, sighing. "And I love her still." Dawson added. 

"Honey, people would have to be blind not to see the love that was shared between you two, ever since you two were little, it was always about you and Joey. You two were always chasing each other around the tree, you're still doing that, except now it's a hypothetical tree, you two are still dancing around emotions, you two are both afraid, but I've always seen you two surpass everything together, this shouldn't be any differently." Gale said, kissing Dawson on the forehead. 

"Has anyone come by today?" Dawson asked hopefully. 

"Nope." Gale said smiling. "Take your bag upstairs, I have enough stuff down here. I'll cook you up something, hmm ... " Gale said, walking away from Dawson and walking into the kitchen, with a huge grin on her face, despite her pain. 

Dawson sighed sadly, he grabbed his bag and hopped up the stairs that led to his room. So Pacey was wrong, Joey wasn't there, Joey wasn't waiting for him, like Dawson had so desperately hoping she had been. Dawson entered his room and threw his bag against the wall, he went to leave his room, but stopped when he saw that his television was on. Dawson walked over to the television and looked at the movie that was on, it was an old home video of him and Joey, Dawson looked around the room, looking for a sign that Joey was here. Dawson turned off the tape and went to leave but then he turned around and stared at his closet, he slowly walked over to the closet, he put his hand around the door knob, and froze, he took a deep breath and opened the closet door. Dawson looked at the closet and found nothing in there, Dawson frowned, he shut the door slowly, trying not to act like a complete emotional freak and start crying, Dawson turned around and staggered back when he found him face to face with Joey. 

"Sorry, you know I had to go to the bathroom." Joey said, staring at Dawson. 

Dawson let out a nervous laugh. "J-Joey, you're here." Dawson said, biting down on his lip. "I mean, you came. How did you know that I would come? That I would be here? I mean you took a really big chance, I mean ... what if I didn't come?" Dawson asked. 

"I was taking the risk, got sick of wishing upon the star, that you would come back to me." Joey said, tucking her hands behind her back. "I'm sorry Dawson, for everything. I'm sorry you blame me for Mitch's death, I'm sorry you lost him, I'm sorry I never said that I forgave you in the hospital room. I should have forgiven you --- I don't know why I didn't, I'm so sorry." Joey replied. 

Dawson closed his eyes momentarily. "No Joey," Dawson said, opening his eyes. "I'm the one that's sorry. I made you promise me something years and years ago, I made you promise to never die or shut me out, and you promised me that you would never do that. And then when my dad died, I shut you out, and I did the unthinkable Jo, I blamed you. I blamed you for something that wasn't your fault, and then I betrayed you and me both Joey. By sleeping with Jen, I betrayed everything that I wanted to find again. I still haven't found it Joey, I still don't have that dream of kissing you, but I want it Joey, I want to get back to you, it's just going to take time. But I need you now Joey, more then I have ever needed you before, help me live again." Dawson said softly, his eyes were watering up. "Help me Joey. Forgive me." Dawson said, as the tears slowly left his eyes, rolling down his face painfully. 

Joey nodded, she walked all the way over to Dawson and hugged him, she wrapped her arms around his body and she let out a sob when Dawson wrapped his arms around her. The two friends slid down to the ground, Dawson never letting go of his hold on Joey. Dawson continued to cry, still holding onto Joey, the one person he knew could help him survive his fall from grace. Dawson knew that the road to finally coping wouldn't be an easy one, but now that he had Joey at his side, he believed he could do it. 

"Jo?" Dawson asked. 

"Yeah?" Joey asked distracted, as she stroked his hair. 

"Do you forgive me? You never said the actual words ... " 

"I forgive you Dawson. Dawson I was hurt so badly at first, but Dawson when my mom died, I did a lot of stupid things, sure I didn't sleep with anybody but that's besides the point. I remember the first week she was dead, you kept coming to me, asking me how I was, and I pushed you away. Remember the fight in the cafeteria? I told you I hated your guts and I wanted you to leave me alone for the rest of my life. I told you I never wanted to know you again, and I didn't care if you never spoke to me again, and then I ran off, then you showed up at my doorstep, even though I told you to go away, you stayed at my doorstep all night long, until I finally let you in. That night Dawson, you showed me that you were my brick wall, because no matter how many times I pushed you away, you always came back, always saying that our bond would survive it and I told myself, I one day will do that for him." 

Dawson didn't reply, but just continued to hold onto Joey, words didn't really needed to be said, not after what Joey just said.   
  



	3. This Broken Road - (Conclusion)

Fallen From Grace   


By Dannette   


_He has fallen from grace, and has done something he can't take back, can she ever forgive him? Can he forgive himself?_

  
  
  


"Dawson, that movie held no respect or dignity at all in it, there was no moral, no life lesson. It was just about three guys, wanting to get laid whenever they want, and then you throw in the three girls who have no respect for themselves, and then the six morons fall in love and get married. It was completely moronic and held no value towards it at all, I'm ashamed of you Mr. Leery." Joey said, smiling softly as her and Dawson walked away from the movie theater, their shoulders brushing against each other's slightly. 

"It wasn't meant to hold any value of any sort at all. Pacey told me it was a good movie to see, how was I to know that it would be like that? I'm ashamed of myself for listening to Pacey Whitter, when it comes to movies." Dawson said, flashing a smile at Joey. 

"Oh come on! Pacey is like a total horn dog, even at the age of 18, you should have been expecting it, like Pacey would ever change. That is why we love him, because no matter how many of us are depressed, he'll still be the continuous horn dog slash class clown who can make anybody smile in despite of all of our melodramatic weekly problems, get with the flow Dawson." Joey replied. 

Dawson somewhat laughed, it was a short laugh, not considered to be a hearty laugh, but nonetheless it was a laugh. Laughing was getting easier and easier by the months him and Joey spent together, they walked each other to class, went to the movies, and sometimes they would just sit on the college lawn and not say a word, they would just sit together. Dawson was learning to cope, hell he was coping, he could smile and laugh, and despite he hadn't gotten his dream of Joey back, he was sure he was getting closer and closer to achieving it. "Now Josephine Potter, was that a rant? A cynical rant from my cynical best friend?" 

"Why, I believe it was." Joey said, smiling brightly at him. Joey was slowly seeing a change in Dawson, it was great to be able to talk to him and make him laugh, sure they weren't together, but Joey could wait forever for that, just as long as she still had the best friend. Joey pulled her hair up in a tight pony-tail, she looked over at Dawson and caught him looking at her, Joey shot him a curious look. "What? Do I like have something completely horrible on my face? You can tell me Dawson." Joey said smirking. 

"No," Dawson started. "I just --- I was just looking." Dawson said, looking down at his hands. "Wondering what I ever did to deserve a best friend like you. Especially how I treated you when my dad first died, I was a complete ass, you should have punched me or something Joey. How could I ever blame you for his death? That was so idiotic of me, I can't believe I would go that low to take the blame off of me, to make my pain someone else's pain." Dawson replied, crossing the street with Joey. "I'm sorry." He said. 

"Dawson, you don't have to keep saying you're sorry. You were going through a period, and you needed to put the blame on somebody, sure it wasn't cool that you wanted to blame me, but I'm your best friend, you can be an ass to me, and I won't think any less of you. I'm just glad to see you being able to go out now, you're smiling and joking around with me, I feel like I'm getting you back. I feel like you're slowly coming back to me, and maybe that's me being hopeful --- " Joey was cut off by Dawson. 

"No, Jo I do feel like I'm slowly coming back to life, it's because of you, you know." Dawson said, smiling. 

Joey looked at Dawson and smiled quickly at him. 

Dawson smiled back as they walked up to the dorm rooms. "So how much more do you have to pack? We should leave tonight, if we are to ever make it back to Capeside, before Thanksgiving dinner. I mean sure it's only a few hours drive to Capeside from Boston, but with Pacey riding with us, he's going to want to stop off at places, so we should definitely leave as early as we can. My mom is like really excited, we are going to be the only ones there at my house for Thanksgiving, except her and Lillian." 

Joey giggled. "I don't have a lot more packing. I still think I should get something to bring to your house ... I feel like I'm intruding. I mean I really didn't know that Bessie was going to be gone, I feel like you should be spending this alone with your mom Dawson." 

"Jo, don't be silly. Thanksgiving wouldn't be the same without you there, plus I want you there Joey." Dawson replied firmly. 

Joey smiled, she nodded. "Okay then, I'm gonna get to my dorm room, pack the rest up, say bye to Audrey and I'll meet you in the cafeteria?" Joey asked, when Dawson nodded, Joey reached up on her tip-toes and hugged Dawson. "See you then." Joey replied, she hugged him once more, before turning down the hall and slowly walking to her own dorm room she had with Audrey. 

Dawson watched Joey walk off, he smiled to himself, he had felt something more then he usually did in that hug, that was good. If Dawson was starting to feel things when he just hugged Joey, hopefully it wouldn't be long until he would have his dream back of kissing Joey, of holding her, of holding her hand, of telling her how much he loved her, and how much he would never leave her ever. Dawson grinned and practically skipped down the halls to his own dorm room, he shared with some guy named Mark LeVascon.   


~*~ 

"Dawson ... " Joey said, her chestnut brown hair blowing from the force of the wind, her cheeks were red from the wind, but yet she did not move one inch in front of Dawson --- who was standing in front of her. "What are you trying to say to me?" Joey asked, her eyes flashing in confusion but tenderness at the same time, as she gently motioned Dawson to finish his statement. 

"I'm ready Joey." Dawson said, he brought up one of his hand and toyed with a piece of her hair, it felt like silk, he hadn't touched her silky hair in such a long time. Dawson inhaled the scent of Joey's shampoo --- Suave Sunkissed Rasberry --- it engulfed his senses, and for a few seconds he felt as if his knees were to give out underneath him. "I'm ready for us to finally be together." 

"Are you sure?" Joey asked, she took in a deep breath as she awaited Dawson's answer. "I love you so much Dawson, but I know that you have to be still in pain of Mitch's death, I don't want to push you into something you're not ready for. I don't ever want you to resent me for pushing you into something you may not be able to handle at this given time." Joey said, in a soft tone. 

"Joey, I could never resent you. These past few months, you have been my brick wall, you have been the shoulder I could cry on, you've been my sole supporter in all of this pain I have been feeling inside of me. I love you Joey, and I know that I'm ready for us to start up a relationship again, I love you so much ... " Dawson said, cupping Joey's face. "Are YOU ready to?" Dawson asked. 

"Why wouldn't I be?" Joey asked, smiling. 

"After the whole Jen thing." Dawson said lowly. 

"I told you Dawson, I forgave you for that. I love you Dawson, I've been waiting for us to get our chance and Jen or nobody else can take away our time. It's always been about me and you Dawson, we're soulmates, we are meant to get the happy ending, even though it did take a lifetime for it to come our way." Joey replied. "I have waited for this moment just as long as you have ... " 

Dawson flashed a smile at Joey, before capturing her lips with his in a passionate kiss that declared his love ...   


"DAWSON!" Pacey screamed in Dawson's ear, making the blonde man nearly jump out of his skin, as he was interrupted by his dream. "So you ARE alive, we were worried about you there for a second. You fell asleep the minute we left Boston, you've been asleep this whole time. Me and Joey already stopped off Pizza Hut and got pizza, it's right next to you if you want some." 

Dawson groaned, rubbing his eyes. "Huh?" Dawson asked, still unaware of the events going on around him, he looked over at Joey who was driving the black jeep. "Oh, okay, I know what's up now." Dawson said, yawning. So it had been just a dream, but then the disappointment left Dawson's body, when he realized that in the first time in months he had dreamt about kissing Joey. 

"You okay back there?" Joey asked, smiling. 

"Perfect!" Dawson said, grabbing a slice of pizza, much to the shock of Pacey, who was looking at Dawson like Dawson had grown another head. "What's wrong Pace? Can't a guy have a slice of pizza?" Dawson asked, grinning. 

Pacey nodded. "Of course he can." Pacey said, shaking his head. Somehow Pacey got the impression from whatever dream Dawson had just woken up from, was a very good dream, Pacey smirked and grabbed a slice of pizza for himself, still smirking.   


~*~ 

"Joey! Dawson!" Gale exploded, pulling the two of them into the house, she hugged Dawson and kissed Joey on the forehead. "So glad you two are here early, Joey you can help me with the food, Dawson you go play with Lillian, she misses her big brother." 

Dawson smirked, he kissed Gale on the cheek, and smiled at Joey as he walked into the living room, he walked over to the play pen Lillian in, he leaned over the play pen and stared at his baby sister. "Hey Lillian, how are you? It's me Dawson, remember me?" Dawson asked, he smiled and looked over his shoulder, he caught sight of Joey putting on an apron, he smiled softly as he watched Joey laugh with Gale over something, _she's so beautiful, _Dawson thought to himself idly, as he pictured kissing her like he had in the dream he had been having in the jeep before Pacey had so rudely woken him up, by screaming in his ear very loudly. 

"I'm so glad that you're spending Thanksgiving here sweetheart, I've missed you. I know that when Mitch died, it was hard on everybody, and I'm so glad you were able to reconnect with Dawson, and help him cope with his father's death. I haven't seen Dawson this happy, since god I don't remember when, you certainly have your ways with Dawson." Gale said, smiling. 

"Oh it's nothing, I was just his friend." Joey said, messing with the pumpkin pie. "I'm just doing what he did for me when my mom died, he was always there for me, helping me when I needed him the most. Without him I would have died, it didn't matter how many times I pushed him away, he always came back to me, and I promised myself I would be that for him one day, and I'm just happy that I could help him, help him learn to cope with all of this." Joey said, smiling to herself. 

"Uh huh ... " Gale replied, smirking. "You've helped him more then just cope ... that boy is still so much in love with you, it has his head in the clouds. You two always made such the cute couple, I just wish your mother had been alive to seen you two together." 

Joey looked down at the pumpkin pie. "Yeah, me too. Any ways, me and Dawson aren't together right now Mrs. Leery, we're just friends. Right now he doesn't need something like a relationship pulling him into depression again, right now I'm just the best friend, he knows where I'll be if he is ever ready to be more." Joey replied softly. "We're just friends, that's all, for now." 

Gale laughed. "You could have fooled me." Gale replied.   


~*~   


  


_I set out on a narrow way,_   
_Many years ago,_   
_Hoping I would find true love_   
_Along the broken road._   
_But I got lost a time or two,_   
_Wiped my brow, kept pushing through,_   
_I couldn't see how every sign_   
_Pointed straight to you._

_Chorus_   
_Every long lost dream_   
_Led me to where you are_   
_Others who broke my heart_   
_They were just northern stars_   
_Pointing me on my way_   
_Into your loving arms._   
_This much I know is true_   
_(That) God blessed the broken road,_   
_That lead me straight to you._

_I look back on the years I spent_   
_Just passing through_   
_I'd like to take the time I lost_   
_And give it back to you._   
_But you just smile and take my hand._   
_You've been there, you understand,_   
_It's all part of a grander plan_   
_That is coming true._

_Chorus_   
_Every long lost dream_   
_Led me to where you are_   
_Others who broke my heart_   
_They were just northern stars_   
_Pointing me on my way_   
_Into your loving arms._   
_This much I know is true_   
_(That) God blessed the broken road,_   
_That lead me straight to you._   
_Straight to you._

_Now I'm just rolling home_   
_Into my lover's arms._   
_This much I know... I know it's true_   
_(That) God blessed the broken road,_   
_And led me straight to you._   
_(Yes) God blessed the broken road,_   
_And led me straight to you._

  
  


"My mom is asleep on the couch, she is pooped." Dawson said, as he helped Joey clean the dishes. 

"Oh, she should be. She cooked up one hell of a dinner, Bessie couldn't have done it as great as your mom did, your mom has always been a great cook, I envy her." Joey said, laughing. "I can't cook anything, I'll just burn it to flames." Joey replied. 

"The pumpkin pie you made was great." Dawson said smiling. 

"Uh huh, thanks." Joey said, she went to grab a plate but froze when she didn't feel a plate but Dawson's hand instead, Joey looked up and laughed nervously. "Sorry." Joey said, she leaned over to grab a plate but she stopped dead in her tracks when this time Dawson grabbed her hand purposefully. "Dawson what is it?" Joey asked, turning to look Dawson straight in the eyes. 

"Jo, earlier in the car ... on the way here ... when I was sleeping ... " Dawson said in cut off sentences. 

"What is it Dawson?" Joey asked again. "You're freaking me out here Dawson, tell me what is wrong, you know you can tell me anything that is bothering you. I'm here for you Dawson ... " Joey said, flashing a smile for Dawson, who returned it. 

"I had a dream." Dawson said. 

"About what?" Joey asked quickly. 

"Of me and you, I told you I was ready to be with you, you told me that you didn't want me to resent you for pushing me into something I wasn't ready to handle, and then I told you I was ready and then we kissed Joey." Dawson said, still holding Joey's hand. "We kissed so passionately, the kiss was so great ... up until Pacey woke me up." Dawson stated seriously. 

"What do you think it meant?" Joey asked. 

"This .... " Dawson said, leaning over, he brushed his lips against Joey's, he pulled back for a few seconds but then went back to kissing Joey. He dropped her hand and closed off the personal space between him and Joey, his hands rested on Joey's waist, as she wrapped her arms around his neck as the kiss deepened, and overflowed with passion, and overdue silent words of love. 

**THE END.**   



End file.
